Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Journal= November 16-30, 2011 via @Peta_de_Aztlan

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On Twitter @OccupySacto ~!/OccupySacto

Wednesday, November 16, 2011
@5:32 PM ~ My Amiga made me some great tacos and a big birthday cake yesterday. Plus, gave me a few little presents. She is a great blessing in my life. We get along good, though there is a subtle tension that in a way helps us relate to each other. She is my oldest friend in my life.

As usual, I have been here at the Arcade Library doing stuff that to me I consider 'work'. I am glad that I am no longer a wage-slave, though I would not be opposed to a decent job as a Counselor. Alas, I have no official degree. Besides, I am so weary of working for selfish fools, especially money hungry management personnel who supposedly work in a non-profit organization. I am on General Assistance right now and I do get Food Allowance via my EBT Card. I will get by one day at a time. There is so much hypocrisy in the world today. No wonder why so many of the youth seem to be so confused without any good role models.

@7:10 PM ~It has been a good long day here at the Library. I feel like going into Downtown tomorrow. I hope the weather will cooperate. Weather is so much like life, often unpredictable and out of our immediate control.

Thursday, November 17, 2011
@12:31 PM ~ I slept well last night, woke up later and here I am in the far corner of the Arden Library, my favorite spot here.

It can be difficult where I am at night, but it is a blessing not to be stuck outside in the cold. I try to make the best of it. Coming here to the local library nearby is a great blessing. I will try to keep comments about my home life situation confined to my spiritual evolution in relation to my own consciousness. I hope I do not seem overly egotistical to anyone who may happen to read this, but to understand myself as much as I can is important to me.

Today is the 2-month Anniversary of the Occupation Wall Street Movement. There will be a lot of stuff going on. From afar I will check it out via the Internet and report relevant News Links and Articles to others via Twitter and Facebook.

@5:00 PM ~ Still here at the Library. Went outside earlier and called my Aunt Laurie to wish my Uncle Armando a Happy Birthday, his is today, plus a belated one for my Cousin Armando. I do need to visit my blood family ~though they have not been of any solvent help as I struggle through this homeless refugee period of my life. I am blessed with blessings now that I must appreciate. It is just life and it is for the living.

Friday, November 18, 2011
@2:40 PM ~ Here at Sacra Central Library on 4th Floor. I am staying in my conscious being here now, trying not to worry about what I cannot control and taking the time to write in my Journal here online.

On Twitter I am @Peta_de_Aztlan ~!/Peta_de_Aztlan and now have 1616 Followers, though I prefer the concept of Co-Creators.

Consciousness-wise I have come so far in my humane beingness, yet I know I have so so far to go. I can 'feel' horizons up ahead. I sincerely believe we can have positive effects on life as we continue to develop and expand our collective consciousness. It could very well be that the main battles to be fought in life are in the realms of consciousness, not in the external world alone. All of us must come to understand the significance of all us living beings being of the same living family upon this one planet. On a global level we must expand our consciousness far beyond the narrow restrictions of concepts related to one's nationality or religiosity. The global Amerikan Empire precludes the existence of any truly viable independent nation ~see foreign occupied zones called colonies. As the Amerikan Empire is globalwide or worldwide any serious resistance to its unjust powers must also be global. If one cannot grasp the concept of the cosmos it is hoped that one can at least grasp the worldwide nature of the struggles going on upon earth as being global.

It behooves us as thinking animals to be aware of what is happening on this spinning planet, not to be apathetic. Apathy is a social disease. Yes, despite all our civil pretensions, we human beings are still animals in many ways, especially in waging war against each other.

@4:30 PM ~ The weather looks like rain with a storm coming. I think I will just head back to Camp and ensure. Nada mas ahora!

Saturday, November 19, 2011
@10:58 AM ~ I am now at the local Library. Yesterday evening I went to the A.A. Meeting of Group One by 28th & T Streets. It was a good meeting as meetings go, plus it was a Birthday Meeting. Sister Connie shared and I met some others folks. Fortunately, Brother Toro showed up and I got a ride 'home' from him. Life is what it is!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011
@11:25 AM ~ I am now at Sacra Central Library. It is a clear sunny day and the weather feels cool and crisp, perfect weather for Sacramento. Last Sunday my Amigo Toro gave me a ride to the CASA Meeting at Sally's and it was a good one, especially when I handle it in a spiritual manner with an Emphasis on the Creator and spiritual healing. I do not cotton to the old traditional way of approaching recovery from substance addiction via A.A. or N.A. It makes common sense to me that we must recognize the social conditions that make someone want to escape its reality by indulging in alcohol or drugs, especially street drugs.

My present housing situation seems precarious as I do not really have my own home or even my own room right now. I sleep on a couch provided from a friend. It is a very humbling experience. I am glad I have my EBT Card and can help with food and have a little cash on it. I am looking forward to registering my SSI Appeal which will be next week with Jerry Grosser. At times I think of the idea of getting a regular job, but that could jeopardize my receiving General Assistance right now and my SSI Appeal as I am considering myself unemployable in relation to the regular job market. Posting stuff on the Internet and typing therapy helps to bolster up my sometimes flagging self-esteem. I am a little sleepy right now but feel good just to be here now.

We must be aware of the Holidays blues and not let it have a negative impact on our personal consciousness, especially when we do not have the money to get the gifts we might want to get for our loved ones. I just endure day-by-day and night-by-night with hopes for a better brighter future.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011
@11:15 AM ~ I am now at Sacra Central Library.

It is a cloudy day here. Went by Occupy Sacra for a bit, took a few pictures and talked to a few folks there, including the Gentle Giant. He is staying at a place where he was referred to by Carol's Place. He is only at GA right now. Because of his housing situation he may not qualify for Food Stamps via his EBT Card. Actually there are no Food Stamps as before as Food Allowance is distributed via an EBT Card to welfare recipients. According to my friend there is drug abuse  going on at a place in East Sac managed by a lady named Ophelia. I guess they do not kick them out if they are using, but this manner of operating makes it extremely difficult for those who are trying to abstain from drug abuse and who are trying to work a solid recovery program. Man, there is so much stuff going on in the world that most of us do not even have a clue about.

So many folks are just trying to survive, meet their survival  needs and avoid becoming homeless in the world I live in. Of course, these kinds of issues vary in accordance with one's existential reality.

My Amiga and her son are planning to be go down south to Fresno this evening until Saturday for the Thanksgiving Holiday. Thus, I will be blessed to having the casa for myself if I stay around there. Right now when I spend the night there I am sleeping on the couch. I am relatively homeless in the sense of not having my own home. Thus, I depend upon the charity of others. It can be difficult at times. I have learned to be humble and appreciative for any blessings that are bestowed upon me. I keep my faith in the Creator as a creature of the Creator. So I will eat what a I can when and where I can to survive. Eating is more of a matter of eating to survive when I am hungry, not eating in a gluttonous way. I live my life one moment at a time.

November 23, 2011 ~ Transforming through Independence ~Scorpio Daily Horoscope

You could enjoy a strong sense of independence today and feel the need to control your own destiny. This mind-set could have you questioning various facets of your life and considering big changes that will better satisfy your true desires. If you can eliminate distractions and spend some focused time alone today, you should be able to achieve a deeper sense of clarity that helps you make some solid decisions. You might first begin by releasing all confused thoughts from your mind and then thinking about each area of your life to determine your level of satisfaction. With any unsatisfactory situations, think about the ways you could change them for the better or ways to replace them altogether.

Reviewing our life circumstances with the intention to make them more satisfying helps us feel more in control of our destiny. While we may have created some of our existing circumstances because they served our needs at the time, we may have fallen unintentionally into others that don't satisfy our true desires. If we take a few minutes to explore the various aspects of our lives and determine whether they reflect our current needs, we are able to discern the best changes to make our lives more satisfying. At the same time, we end up feeling more empowered and in control of our lives rather than being held captive by a sense of futility. Your life will transform in amazing ways if you exert your independence and create circumstances that reflect your true desires today.

@4:01 PM ~Feeling a little sleepy now. Probably need to get out of here, get some fresh air and then head back to 'Camp'. Might go out and walk around for a bit and make sure I catch the right bus at the right time. I had a manic episode yesterday evening after dark. I do miss living downtown. Urban-suburbia holds no endearment in my heart.

Thursday, November 24, 2011
@2 PM ~ Today is Thanksgiving Day! I am in a thankful spirit right now. I am not at where I consider my own home for now as where I am at now it is not really my own private home. I am relatively homeless, sleeping on a couch. Nevertheless, I am extremely thankful for my blessings. I plan to post this onto my blog when I can get back onto the Internet in the future. I am typing on my own actual Compaq Desktop right, instead of my Dell Laptop as usual. I need to be mindful and for security reasons keep some matters strictly to myself and a select few other individuals.

@9:50 PM ~ I was blessed by Brother Adam L. coming by today. He just left to go back up the hill to where he lives. He is like a son to me. I have known him since he was a child. So we spent the day together here, conversing about various subjects and watching football on TV. The 49ers, Adam’s favorite team, lost to the Ravens. It was a big surprise when he popped up over here. I have not seen him for a long time. We are all going through our own particular struggles. When we have someone in our lives that we trust and respect it makes the struggling easier to bear.

I went to bed extremely late last night for me, around 3:00 PM. I still woke up early about 8:30 AM. Today was a pretty relaxing day. I just felt so good being surprised by Adam’s unexpected visit on Thanksgiving Day. Truly, God is good. Nada mas ahora.

Friday, November 25, 2011

@8:11 PM ~ It has been a pleasant quiet day here with no disturbances. No call from Geri from Fresno. I figure the family is doing well. Maybe she just did not want to bother me or is simply just enjoying being around her family as they enjoy being around her. So today I just saw a few movies, snacked every now and then, did some Tweeting via my Mobile Phone and I imagine I will on my own here for tonight.

I set up my speakers and can use my ITunes now. At least I have my Desktop set-up here. I have work to do in the future. I wish I had a decent regular job in harmony with my personal interests right now. To me, just posting news items and insights onto the Net is a way of contributing to life. It helps me feel that I am of some little use to others. I feel that I should contribute in what ways that I can to help keep my self-esteem up. I am doing well just to avoid any down depressed moods, plus I must be careful not to allow myself to slip into any kind of manic state.

Last night when I was trying to sleep I realized after about a half hour that sleep was escaping me. Then I realized that I had not taken my little Seroquel, got up on my way to the restroom, took it where I had left it on a lamp stand, then I hopped back on the couch and was able to sleep through the night.

Seroquel Link~

Tomorrow is only the Sabbath. I am not sure exactly what I will do. The local public library is closed because of the Thanksgiving Holiday. I may go downtown just to escape from this camp for the day. Time will tell.

I am learning better to live in the moment, appreciate my beingness without having to deal with any major or minor crisis and just do what I can to make it through the day. I am ready to go in any direction or apply myself to any job that I believe is in harmony with the Lord’s will. The mind leaves much to be desired and is often overrated.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

@9:54PM ~ We had our usual CASA Meeting this evening. It went well, especially when we have the brothers from ARC attend after their 12-Steps Meeting at Quinn Cottages. It is important for people who are serious about recovery to understand that the whole program is based upon the tried-and-true 12-Steps first popularized by Alcoholics Anonymous. Our CASA 12-Steps Program is has been inspired by the 12-Steps Program of A.A., N.A., D.R.A. (Dual Recovery Anonymous). The CASA 12-Steps Program itself with its Biblical Scriptures for each of the 12-Steps has been of help to many over the years. It is important to have a solid spiritual approach to our progressive recovery with an eye for attaining true liberty from the perils of our addiction.

My Amiga is still down in Fresno. She has not come back yet since she and Rick left last Wednesday night. I hope all is well. I have not talked to her over the phone, though I have called down via Veronica’s phone number with no response. I figure they are well and are just enjoying the company of each other.

Tomorrow is Monday. I may go downtown to a Café shop and get online via my laptop. It has been a few days since I have been online. Although I have posted a few little things via my mobile phone onto Facebook and Twitter a bit. It has gotten so I feel kind of disconnected from stuff when I am not online for any length of time. I imagine my Email Programs are pretty full. Life for me is being online via the Internet, offline doing other stuff and inline practicing my meditation. We are triue beings composed of a mind, body and soul.

I saw The Bucket List again today and was truly touched to experience it again. It is a great movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman that I recommend for us all to see and reflect upon. Life can be such a short distance between our first birth and our eventual death. We should be and do what we feel we need to be and do while we are still alive, breathing and aboveground. Life is so precious. We should appreciate our lives with the sacredness that life deserves.

@11:50 PM ~ A special treat tonight! An NCIS Marathon on Cable! I know, I know, I need to get more of a life. I checked out another small Compaq laptop I have that I rarely use. Nada mas ahora!

Monday, November 28, 2011

@8:38 PM ~ Here with Rick right now. Annabelle and him came back home late last night. It was good to have them back. Anna’s daughter Christina drove them both back up here to Sacramento from Fresno.

Today I went into town, went to Temple Café shop, saw my Brother Bobby and learned how to post onto Facebook and onto Twitter with my little MP (Mobile Phone). Nada mas ahora!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011
@2:25 PM ~ I am here at my favorite online spot at the Sacra Central Library on the 4th Floor. I just like the immediate environment around here.

Earlier around 1 PM I went to my Guesthouse Appointment with Jerri. I thought I was going to do my appeal. She ended up saying that I need to see a psych-person at Guesthouse first and had reminded me that I had not made earlier appointments. I responded by telling her that I did not make those appointments because I had to see about getting onto GA (General Assistance) and stuff with the Department of Human Assistance (formerly simply called The Welfare Department). In relation to my SSI Case nothing much has changed in terms of my seeking psychiatric help via Guesthouse. I guess I have to have more of a paper trail. I now have an appointment in early December, then one shortly after with Jerri, then she will do the appeal for me. I trust her and believe that she is working in my best interest in relation to my wanting to get onto SSI Disability based upon my being bi-polar.

Actually I have symptoms of a few disorders: manic-depressive disorder or bi-polar; ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyper-activity Disorder) and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Keep in mind that I am now 60 years old, the job market in my usual field is tight and I just want to have a room with a view so I can type.

bi polar

I will just endure, continue to educate myself and enjoy life as I can. The Holidays Season can be a real downer for me. I will try to consciously avoid the whole drab commercialism of it all. These are tough times for many. It is true that our personal attitude towards our lives has a lot to do with how we endure it all.

Sometimes my hopes and dreams seem so far away from the existential reality that I live in. I must try to make the best of any situation I am in, keep a positive attitude and continue to help others as I can in order to stay off the self-pity pot. It does hinder job-wise not having a formal college degree of any kind. However, I have collected a few gems of wisdom along the road of my life.e

I could be satisfied with only SSI Disability for Income and devise other legal ways of making some money, preferably by writing, or rather, typing. I will continue to plow through the social bullshit, keep open to cosmic suggestions and do what I can to help others as I help myself.

Some days I struggle more with depression than other days. Sometimes I deal with depression by trying to stay busy on the Net, appreciating my blessings and keeping a positive attitude about life in general. I truly believe than Amerika is in a Great Depression. Thank God the Occupy Wall Street Movement gives some up in its resistance against corporate capitalism.

Wednesday, November 20, 2011
@11:41 AM ~Now at Arcade Public Library in my favorite spot in the back corner with my own little space zone for now. I can see the need for people to access the Internet for whatever reasons.  Internet Power is one of our strongest weapons among our tools to change and transform connected reality. It can be a weapon against darkness and a tool for social change.

On a personal level, it has been about a month since I arrived at what I call my 'Camp'. After midnight tomorrow on December 1st I will know whether I still get my GA Allotment or not. If so that will be cool, though  I have some worry and concern about it. Calling a given aspect of life a concern instead of a worry does not change the worrisome nature of it.

The quandary I am in involves my wanting to get onto SSI Disability based upon my being unemployable because of my mental illness, being in a bad labor market in my usual occupation and knowing that if I were to obtain a job that that very fact could automatically jeopardize my claim to be unemployable. For now I can continue to get County General Assistance because my SSI Case is still in the process of appeal. It is more than a hustle for me. It is a matter of having some emotional and psychiatric issues that make it hard for me to stick to a regular job. My former work at the Salvation Army as a Case Manager kind of suited my personality and blended in with my psychiatric disorders.

Bipolar Tree Grass Scenery

I daily deal with being bi-polar (manic-depressive), ADHD and OCD in my life. I manage it all pretty well on a good day. I generally remain conscious of my being, do various activities that enhance my consciousness and strive to stay in connected reality. At 60 Earth-years I am preparing for my eventual extinction from this existence here upon Earth. Thus, I try to take care of my health in general, hope to live a lot longer and will try to share with others what I can.

I want others to learn what they can from me so that they can avoid the traps and pitfalls that often befall many folks. I know that being honest, open and willing to share what is going on in our lives with others is healthy for me and my spiritual evolution.

Over time I have learned to not be obsessed with having stuff, with possessions, with being possessed by 'my' possessions. When I had to move out of my last apartment I went through some heavy manic states. I realized how much stuff I had that I never even used, a few books I ordered online via Amazon I never even got around to reading and good clothes I had I never even wore. Not to mention stuff in my refrigerator that I let rot away because I was too busy to eat it.

VIA Lamba OT: Job 1:20-22

"20 Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, 21 And he said, Naked I came out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return; the LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. 22 In all these disasters, Job did not sin, nor did he blaspheme against the LORD."

I am at a stage in my life wherein I have learned to fully accept myself ~despite all the stuff I have said and done or have not said and done. I broke my crystal ball long ago, cannot clearly see the future, but I have mixed feelings about the future. And I can live with that.

Dr. Jung has taught me how to live with the natural tensions in life between the light and the darkness without getting overwhelmed by it all. I do not have to be perfect. I do not have to always be right. I have the right to make mistakes. I will continue to help people as I can along the way in this long life journey.

All I really want for myself in this war of life is to meet my survival needs and have a room with a nice view so I can type. I can let the rest go. I am striving to free myself of unnecessary attachments and unnecessary possessions. I have learned that possessions often end up possessing the possessor. So many cling to stuff they do not really need, others could use what they do not need, but many cling and covet what they do not even need.

Examine your life, do a personal inventory, decide what is really important to keep and what you need to let go.


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