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Friday, December 16, 2011
@1:40 PM ~ Here at Arcade Library. I feel pretty refreshed. I love the power of being sober, the power of being sane and the power of being creative. We have many powers many of us barely realize we have. I need better time management in my life. Social networking websites eat up a lot of my time and energy without enough tangible results. Who reads? Who understands? Who sees connected reality?
I am poor, relatively homeless and now unemployed without a paycheck to look forward to. I will endure because I am a stubborn and determined man.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
@2:42 PM ~ Now at Arcade Library. This early afternoon I had my Interview-Appointment with Euwing Diagnostics for my SSI Appeal. I am diagnosed and self-diagnosed as having the Bi-Polar Disorder (BPD). In an extreme mood I can get a suicidal feeling of depression and when a manic state I can get homicidal if I really feel threatened without any qualms. I do best when I stay away from people in general. I guess I am a lone wolf in my own way. I just want to get into SSI, receive my guaranteed income and be left alone by the insane folks in the world.
This Xmas Season has been a trying experience, though I try to stay in a good Holiday Spirit. Of course, it is so corrupted by the desires for Christmas gifts, consumer material objects and the general corporate manufactured consumerism.
It has been a long time since I had a regular job. My time is usually occupied by my being at the local library, posting onto Twitter and Facebook; typing articles from time to time; and in the evenings I am usually held hostage by the TV-Cylops.
My CASA 12-Steps Meetings are going well, as usual, and I am blessed that Brother Toro comes up and we both go to the Meeting at Sally's together on Sunday Evenings at 7 PM. CASA helps to give me a sense of purpose, a grounding in connected reality and I feel that I am some use to others.
I am gradually learning how to go with the flow and write better, or rather, type better as I am actually a typist as distinct from being an actual writer with pen and paper.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
@3:41 PM ~ I hope my multitasking today here online is not a denied form of ADHD. Life goes as well as can be expected right now. Sometimes I feel like I live in a Psychiatric Ward at 'home', though I am and must remain in a grateful appreciative spirit. It is, of course, my fault because I could get some work done on my Desktop at my hideout, though there are distraction. I am aware that I really do not have my own home these days.
I am getting pretty fed up with TV and watching quaint little Xmas movies. I am not the Remote Controller at camp. Life goes on... within us and surely life goes on without us.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
@11:11 AM ~ Here at Arcade Library. Next week this public library will be closed a lot, I do not have the money to go downtown to the Central Library every day and will feel even more in exile until I get another disbursement from my General Assistance via the County. I am in a bit of a quandary. Even if I were to get a regular job the income from it could boot me out from getting onto SSI due to my disability because having a regular job would mean that I am not actually disabled.
I know with my Bi-Polar Disorder I find it really difficult to deal with other people. Most people I know in real life are in such a different head space from me. It results in my feeling alienated from others much of the time. Oh well... don't let me start complaining. I am sure it is Un-American!
Friday, December 23, 2011
@2:06 PM ~ Now at Sacra Central Library. I did not sleep well last night. I sometimes need to endure slices and spaces of insanity at my hideout. I know now more than ever of the natural importance of sleep to the point where it can have a kind of sacredness to it.
I arrived late for the Double Trouble DRA Meeting at Guesthouse with Eric. It was a good meeting and it is all being included in a larger format they will be having called E.A.R.T.H. ~ Empowering Action and Recovery through Trust and Hope:
http://www.elhogarinc.org/
Afterwards I had an Appointment with Brother Eric at 11 AM. I gave him my SSI Forms from myself and a Third Party (Annabelle). He mentioned the possibility of my being able to get into a place at Palmer in the future in the hopes that I am approved for SSI. So much depends upon a corrupt system that often punishes the poor, the mentally ill and homeless refugees. So I guess it is a matter of waiting to find out if I am Approved for SSI or not.
So much of my life these days is a matter of spiritual warfare, trying to keep my morale up and my personal self-esteem in check. I do miss having my own place, sleeping in my own bed and the simple ordinary life-style that most folks take for granted without a second thought. Through it all I have become more and more radical, if that is possible, and it is a radicalism that actually feel natural for me to be so. I will continue to Wage of War of Resistance Against Fascism in whatever form it takes in whatever ways I can. Ya Basta!
Sometimes my life seems like a nightmare. I can compare my situation to others who are less fortunate, but to what purpose. It seems to be a truism that misery loves company. I just want to live in the land where people love one another freely, where our basic needs are meet and where we have the resources necessary for us to freely express ourselves and develop our creative potential. Am I asking too much?!? I think not. Some folks say that life is what you make it. I think it is what you make it and how you take it. I am glad I do not have a criminal thug mentality.
I know that technically the advocacy of violent revolution is illegal. I advocate a Peaceful Global Revolution, exhausting peaceful methods of spiritual warfare. We will see how far this approach can go!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
@11:10 AM ~I am now at Sacra Central Library. I feel a little sleepy, but am aware that at times sleep itself can be a form of escapism. I love Norm Chomsky and his revolutionary Tweets:
https://twitter.com/#!/NoamChomski @NoamChomski
This is Noam Chomski, I am the author of Manufacturing Dissent and other revolutionary pamphlets. No relation at all to Noam Chomsky.
The circulation of power is dependent on the good will of the people, the consensus around the ultimate 'benevolence' of the 'powerful'.
Power is not stagnant or static, like capital, it circulates and revolutionaries must short circuit this circulation.
Those who are frightened by collective expressions are not human beings, they are gluttonous monsters seeking to appropriate the world.
The individual who becomes blinded by the 'survival of the fittest' model will eventually destroy the planet and the world we live in.
The individual who destroys humanity, who steals from the hard work of humans, will eventual destroy himself.
The notion of the individual becomes paralyzed when people reduce it to the concept of 'watching out for number one.'
The idea of individualism becomes decrepit when individuals, like billionaires, start using it as pretext to hoard power and capital.
The idea of individualism is brilliant, so long as every individual understands his and her responsibility to humanity.
Share your humanity with others without becoming obsessed with ways to materially profit from your thoughts and ideas.
Share your thoughts with other human beings without worrying about monetizing them.
Share your words and idea with the world freely, share your theories and concepts for free, do not bind them up in expensive books.
Those who lock up their individuality in the prisons of intellectual property and copyright infringements are locking their humanity up.
Your individuality must be shared with the world, it must contribute to the world, it must become part of the revolutionary movement.
It would be a mistake for people to turn their individuality into a fetish, into a commodity that gets hoarded like capital.
We are individuals in our own right, however, we must remember that we belong to human society as well, we are social creatures after all.
You cannot have a revolution without raising the consciousness of the workers because they are the true victims of exploitation.
You cannot have a revolution without a body, you cannot have a revolution without the people.
Dissent is the core of the revolution, agitation is its mind and the working class consciousness is its body.
Do not become overly gratified with your own knowledge base, it is meaningless if it does not spread, circulate and motivate.
Do not become overly self-satisfied with your own political consciousness, bring others, teach others, enlighten others.
You cannot spark rebellion without raising the consciousness of the working class.
You cannot spark a revolution without the working class on your side.
The working class consciousness is the ultimate to key to any revolutionary movement.
The working class must learn to become a threat to the interests of the upper class.
Dissent is the mother of all change, without mass dissent we will rot away waiting for the capitalists to starve us to death.
Your job is to raise the political consciousness of the people, because political consciousness is the ultimate enemy of conformity.
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On the homefront I am making it through each day. Mainly I am waiting to get onto SSI so I can then move out of where I am at now and get a place of my own so I can have some peace and quiet in order to take better take care of my personal health, concentrate on my typing stuff out and continue to raise mass consciousness. It ain't brain surgery!
Plus, it would be nice to have a lady in my life with whom I can share my life with, but without being obsessed with her or fixated exclusively on her. Am I asking too much? No. not to me. So many folks are caught up in personal relationships that drain the soul. We must use our energies to raise consciousness and help create a new brave world! Revolution in our lifetime!
BTW: There is nothing inherently wrong with a naked picture of a naked female. We are so screwed up in so many ways that many are ashamed of the natural nakedness of their own bodies.
Friday, December 30, 2011
@3:20 PM ~ Here at Sacra Central Library. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. I am looking forward to the new year, hope my SSI is approved so I can be into my own place to myself. I do want to get a vehicle but having my own 'home' is integral for my peace of mind now. I do not control my own air space where I am staying at and it gets difficult being around such insane indulgence as I witnessed being allowed. I am glad I have been able to last this long where I am sleeping at at night.
Sometimes I wonder about my own usefulness. I have a deep need for wanting to be useful and helpful to others. Maybe it is a kind of deprived parental urge in me. I know I should not baby adults. I feel I am of some use when I write about stuff that is going on in the world. Sometimes I wonder if I am reaching anyone, other times I feel good when I am reaching myself and pray that there is a Creator who feels love and compassion for me. I need help!
I do not have any plans for spending New Year's Eve. I will just keep on enduring, trying to meet my basics needs and continue working on my health, especially my mental-spiritual health. I know I have other stuff I need to finish writing. For all my time and energy I have spent being online I feel that I am not getting as much as I could have out of it, especially in terms of feedback. At other times I feel as if I am pecking away here typing for those who will come after me, after I am dead and gone. Is that morbid? I do want to live long enough to see the revolution happen in my lifetime. In fact, Global Revolution in my lifetime is a part of the driving force in my even being alive.
My Amigo Trigger just came by here in person. He will give me a ride back home so that is a blessing. We will see what we will see. Nada mas ahora!
Sabbath, December 31, 2011
@12:07 PM ~ Now at Sacra Central Library in my favorite spot on the 4th Floor. We saw 'Straw Dogs' last night on DVD at 'home'. Today is a clear sunny day. In fact, we have hardly had any rain this year. This will be my last Blog Entry for the year. It has been a long heavy year for me. I suppose it has been a heavy year for many folks, especially those who have been in situations of revolt and social turmoil.
On a daily basis I practice being in my being, meditating on beingness and not allowing the insanity of the world disrupt my inner sense of being. I try to be peaceful within, without jumping to wild conclusions without clear perception. I am surely not exactly where I want to be in life, yet I still keep my self-esteem. For me, typing my thoughts out has been a great sources of therapy for me. I do not try to be perfect all the time, I just try to be clear, concise, honest and natural in my communications.
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Bloglink~ http://peta-de-aztlan.blogspot.com/
Twitter Link~ http://twitter.com/Peta_de_Aztlan
Humane Liberation Party Portal
~ http://help-matrix.ning.com/
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